Surviving the “Real World” as an Ex-Mormon

The “real world.” Something we are taught to be scared of as young children. Our teachers warned us in school, “When you get to the real world, you won’t be able to get away with hitting,” they said. “When you get to the real world, your bosses won’t be as lenient as I am,” my chemistry teacher told us. The “real world” was not something we were a part of as children, but we weren’t quite told when we would enter it. University felt a little more “real”, but still an extension of the “not-real world” we’d been living in so far. Pretty soon, the “real world” creeps up on us, and we are active participants in it before we know it.

As Mormons, or members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, we are also taught to fear the “real world.” We are taught to be “in the world, but not of the world,” growing up because worldly desires should be rebuffed and scorned according to Mormon teachings. Mormons choose to focus on preparing themselves to meet their God, and ensuring they do everything they can to get themselves a place in the highest level of heaven, right next to God himself. To Mormons, silly worldly desires cannot compare to the blessings of heaven.

I grew up in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, a worldwide organization boasting over 16 million members and according to them, the only true church on the entire earth. I was told over and over again, that this Church is True and none others are. I prided myself on my luck in being born into the one True Church, because how would I have even survived without it? I felt sorry for all my other classmates and friends, who had no idea they were missing out on the Truth.

I was taught to be wary of the world, but more than most children, I think. I was taught as a child to distrust authorities, being wary of any secret agendas they may have, but to implicitly trust anyone with authority in the LDS Church, as they were led by Heavenly Father. My parents scoffed at science and data and global climate change. They sneered at evolutionists, proudly declaring that they know that Adam and Eve were created by God, and that's where humans came from, they couldn’t have evolved from apes.

I was taught that anyone who had smoked cigarettes or had drunk a cup of coffee had committed a serious sin in God’s eyes and that without repenting of that sin, that person would face an eternity of unhappiness in the life after death. I was taught that anyone who had ever drunk alcohol was probably not that good of a person anyway, and I should keep my distance for my own safety. I was taught to proudly tell my friends that I could not support the fact that they were gay, but I could still love them and be their friend. I was never taught what to do when those friends would burst into tears and could never look me in the eyes afterward.

I was brought up in a subculture of Christianity that focused on preparing its children for the “real world.” Mormon children are prepared for the real world by studying scripture, listening to Mormon leaders and their teachings, and of course, learning how to be “in the world, but not of the world.”

When I realized it all wasn’t true, the religion and way of life I had dedicated a large portion of my life to, I was crushed. But I realized very quickly that I had been thrown into the real world very suddenly and with no life-preserver in sight. It has taken months, and will likely continue for months and years, to break down internal prejudices and biases I had/have about the world. Not everyone who takes a sip of alcohol is a bad person. Not everyone who smokes weed is a bad person. All of the people who didn’t fit into the “Molly Mormon” or “Elder Price” cookie-cutter shape are suddenly real people who I had been ignoring my entire life.

I’m still deciding what I want to believe now because I do believe I have some say in what I believe and what I don’t. Do I believe in God? Or gods? Do I believe in life after death? Do I believe that my cat is a witch who must have been hexed by another witch based solely on the fact of her love of television and human food? (Yes, yes I do.) I get to decide now, if I want to believe in chakras or auras or praying or science. I get to decide what is morally right and what is morally wrong.

It's very scary, a fact I’m sure other ex-Mormons or post-Mormons can attest to. Suddenly having no rules, the freedom to dress how you want, eat how you want, and live how you want without being in constant fear of eternal punishment and disappointment. I contemplated several times ignoring everything I had learned about the Church and returning to be a devout Mormon. Luckily for me, every time I realize very quickly how much I don’t want to do that.

I’m still relatively sheltered. I still don’t know much about the world and could probably be called naive, but I’m okay with that. I’m enjoying constantly learning and constantly broadening my worldview, and I thank the stars every day that I am not in the Mormon church anymore. I’m tackling the “real world” one day at a time, keeping some principles I was raised with and throwing others out the window.

But I will say, I don’t think I will tell my future children about the “real world” as they are growing up. Because honestly, there is no such thing. We are all in the “real world” whether we like it or not, and I will teach them that even though the “real world” can be scary and frightening, my arms will always be wide open, ready to offer them respite and rest from the “real world.” And when they are ready, they will go right back into the “real world” and keep fighting for their dreams. As we all do.